


Better Put a Ring On It

by myrthrilmercury



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Engagement, I Tried, I'm Sorry, M/M, Meddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-20 17:45:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11340285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrthrilmercury/pseuds/myrthrilmercury
Summary: When Gypsy discovers that Joel is thinking about an engagement ring for Mike, she is adamant on helping.Originally written in June 2015, but I was too embarrassed to post it until now.





	Better Put a Ring On It

Ah, the workshop. The sanctum sanctorum, the one place where Joel could go to be alone, work on some inventions, and think about very important things, where no one would disturb him—

_THUD!_

Or at least, they normally wouldn’t. So why did the door just fall off its handles? 

_“Ah-hah!”_ came a shriek from the doorway. Startled, Joel looked up from his workbench to see Gypsy clambering over the now-useless door towards him with something in her mouth. Triumphantly, she deposited the item on the workbench in front of him before looking up at him proudly.

Joel looked down to see she had discovered the brochure of engagement rings he had brought back from the jeweler. He snapped his head back up and looked at her with the expression of a guilty child who had just been caught in the act of misbehaving.

“I knew it!” Gypsy declared. “You can’t hide anything from me!”

“How did you even find that?!”

“Well, you put the latest TV Guide over it, remember?”

Joel nodded. “Right.” 

“Did you even look at the TV Guide when you set it down?”

“No,” Joel replied, shaking his head.

“Well, there was a feature on ‘Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea,’ so I grabbed it to cut out all the Richard Basehart photos for my scrapbook. Once I finished that, I was going to put it back, but then I noticed the engagement ring brochure that you had set down under it. That explains where you were all afternoon.”

Joel buried his head in his hands once he realized his mistake. “Oh crap,” he muttered under his breath.

“You always were really lousy at hiding things.”

Joel parted his fingers and looked through them at Gypsy. “…You didn’t tell anyone else, did you?”

“Nope. I figured this was coming anyway. About time, too. So, what did you pick?”

“Well, I didn’t—“ 

“You didn’t pick anything out yet, so you need my help, right?”

“Um…” Joel didn’t like where the conversation was heading. “I don’t think—“

“I know. You have no idea what you’re doing. Don’t worry. I know _aaallll_ about this kind of stuff.”

“Really?” Joel deadpanned, eyeing Gypsy suspiciously.

“Yep. For starters…are you familiar with the 4 C’s?”

Joel sighed and shook his head. She had put way too much thought into this. “Um…” He looked up and thought for a moment. “Cut, clarity, carat, and…cost?”

“ _No,_ you idiot!” Gypsy snapped. “Color! It’s _color!”_

“Not cost?” Joel repeated in genuine confusion.

“Of course not! Cut, clarity, carat, and color! It actually means _lack_ of color! You don’t want color in a diamond!”

“And cost isn’t a consideration?”

“NO!” Gypsy shrieked, incredibly aggravated at this point. Now she was taking this way too personally.

Joel frowned. “I dunno, cost is a pretty important—“

Gypsy thrust her jaw forward until she was inches from Joel’s face. _“Do you want to buy a freaking engagement ring or not?!”_

“Um…yes?” he replied sheepishly, remembering the time she had bowled him over and not wanting a repeat experience.

“Then _listen_ to me!”

“Okay, okay…”

Gypsy resumed speaking in a normal, civilized tone. “Now that we’ve established that…any questions?”

“Actually, yeah. Aren’t clarity and color actually the same thing?” Joel inquired.

“Good question!” Gypsy replied in a chipper tone, her mood noticeably improving. “It isn’t. Color means lack of color, but clarity means lack of flaws in the stone. Scratches, chips, that sort of thing.”

Joel nodded. “Huh. I didn’t know that.”

“Well, you need to know these things if you’re gonna buy an engagement ring.”

“Right,” Joel muttered, staring blankly at his creation. He had come in here to ponder this exact subject, but her militant earnestness regarding the subject was more than a little intimidating. “I get the gist of the other two, though.”

“Good, good. That makes things easy. Now, let’s see…” Gypsy attempted to open the brochure, a feat made incredibly difficult by the lack of fingers or opposable thumbs. Joel obliged her and opened the brochure.

“Ah, thank you. For starters…have you decided on a band?”

“Not yet,” Joel admitted as he gazed at the band choices on the second page. “Something silver or silver looking though.”

“On this we agree,” Gypsy stated. 

Joel glanced at her in surprise. “Wait, you’ve been thinking about this?”

“Well, yeah. I was wondering when you’d be getting around to popping the question. Congratulations. You’ll be a perfect wife.”

“Um…thanks. But I’m going to be a husband.”

Gypsy nodded sagely. “No, like I said, you’ll be a perfect wife.”

“…Right.”

“Anyway…silver…what kind of materials did you have in mind?”

“Maybe titanium?” Joel suggested.

“NO!” Gypsy cried. “Not titanium! What if something happens?”

“Like what?”

“EMTs can’t cut through titanium with any of their tools. What if something happened to Mike and they found him somewhere but couldn’t help him? He would die for your love, _and you’d be responsible!”_

“Really?” The fact that titanium had that property was news to Joel. “I didn’t—“

_“YOU WOULD HAVE HIS BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS!”_

Joel stuck out his hands in front of him in frightened surrender. “Okay, okay…forget titanium. How about…” He studied the brochure for a few moments. “White gold?”

“Perfect!” Gypsy chirped. “It won’t bend like regular gold does and it’s durable. Looks good, too.”

“Hmm…” Joel took another look at the page. “Yeah, I like that. White gold it is.”

“Okay, good. There’s one decision down.”

“And that was just the easy part,” Joel muttered as he thumbed through the pages of the brochure. “There were a few designs that stuck out in my mind, but I needed more time to think.”

Gypsy pushed her way over to take a closer look at the brochure, almost knocking Joel out of his chair in the process. “Ooh, I like this one!” she squealed, motioning towards the lower left corner of one of the pages.

Joel recoiled in shock the second he saw the listed price. “That’s over 30 grand. I could buy a house with that. How about something that won’t make me go bankrupt?”

“Um…this one?” Gypsy motioned towards another section of the page.

“Are you just randomly picking these out?”

“Well, you haven’t told me what you had in mind,” Gypsy replied with a hint of irritation in her voice.

Joel rested his chin in his hands as he stared at the pages in front of him. “Nothing too flashy. That’s not Mike. Something simple and understated.” 

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. By the way, I have an important question.”

“What?” Joel asked as he turned to the next page.

“Are these conflict-free diamonds?”

“We don’t need to worry about that.” The last thing Joel needed was another lecture. “They say where everything comes from.” This was true: everything was certified, but it would probably take Joel a few more days to figure out what the hell all the certifications actually meant. While her intentions were good, it was probably best to figure it out himself. Joel had intended this to be a low-key affair, and having been discovered was already embarrassing enough. 

“Okay, good. You know what else? Conflict-free diamonds mean a conflict-free relationship.” 

“Huh.” With those wits, no wonder Gypsy was an astute business…robot? “You should consider a career in advertising.” That being said, hopefully she was right.

“I’ll keep that in mind, but it’s hard to find an ethical diamond provider to partner with. Do you know where I can find some Canadian contacts?”

Joel shook his head. “You’re asking the wrong person.”

“Oh well, it was worth a shot. Anyway…” Gypsy looked down at the page in front of her. “These look more like what you have in mind. Were you thinking one stone or several?” When the only response from Joel was a shrug, she continued, “Because I was thinking…” Her voice trailed off. 

“Thinking what?” Joel prompted, unsure if he would like what she was about to say.

“Well, his birthstone is either opal or tourmaline, and yours is amethyst—“

Yep, he was right. “No.”

“But you didn’t let me finish!” Gypsy objected.

“Nothing purple. He’d be too embarrassed to wear it.”

“Fine…” Gypsy muttered with a defeated sigh. “Next question: how wide should the ring be?”

“Wide enough that you can tell he’s wearing one.” Which didn’t really answer her question, but some of those bands in the brochure were awfully tiny.

“OK, I’m getting a better idea…” Gypsy paused for a moment. “From what you’re telling me, I have it narrowed down to three you might like.”

“Three? That’s it?” Joel asked in surprise. Maybe having Gypsy’s help wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

Gypsy made several motions across the pages. “This one, this one, and this one.” 

Joel silently studied the pictures Gypsy pointed out for a little while, filtering out her presence as he pictured how each ring might look on Mike’s hand. Eventually, he realized that he kept returning to the third ring Gypsy had pointed out. 

_“That_ one,” Joel stated decisively, pointing at the page. The ring was a plain white gold band, with the exception of three small diamonds that crossed the center diagonally, which were bordered by two diagonal crossbars. “That’s it. That’s the one.”

This time, Gypsy managed to knock Joel onto the floor as she pushed herself forward for a better view. “Ooh, great choice!”

“Thanks,” Joel choked out as he pushed himself to his feet. “But there is one very big problem.”

Gypsy stared straight at him, eye blinking slightly with concern.

“Sizing. There’s no way I can get his size without spoiling everything.”

“Leave that to me!” Gypsy responded in a frighteningly chirpy voice. “Give me a day or so and I’ll have it figured out for you.”

“Um…okay?” The implications of this statement scared Joel, but at this point, he was out of options. 

“Don’t worry your pretty little head off about a thing. I’ll have this back to you in no time!” With that, Gypsy clamped the brochure in her mouth and zoomed away, clambering over what used to be a functioning door before heading off.

Joel stared at the now-empty doorway, filled with a sense of dread as he also contemplated what the hell just happened.

***

Three days later, Joel was back in the workshop when he heard a series of bangs on the door. When he rose to see who it was, he opened the door to find Gypsy with the brochure tucked in her mouth.

“OK, you knocked. That’s a start.”

Gypsy dropped the brochure at Joel’s feet. “Size 10,” she announced proudly.

Joel leaned over to pick up the brochure. “You sure?”

“I measured it five times. Of course I’m sure.”

“You…measured?” Joel repeated, confused. “How did you even get the size?”

“Well…” Gypsy began. “I got the address off the brochure and went to the jeweler.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Joel nodded; unsure whether he liked the direction in which this conversation was heading.

“I explained the situation to the sales rep, and he let me borrow a sizer. I used it a few times the last couple of days, and the size read the same each time.”

“Wait a minute,” Joel interrupted. “You just jammed it on Mike’s hand without him noticing?”

“Well, I had to make sure he wouldn’t notice.”

Now he _really_ didn’t like where this conversation was going. “And how did you do that?”

“I just kept dumping Sominex in his Orange Crush. Once he was out, it was really easy.”

Joel sighed deeply and shook his head. No wonder Mike had been so lethargic the past two days. “I appreciate you trying to help…but no more drugging anyone. That’s wrong and it’s not very nice.”

“I’m sorry,” Gypsy said in a low voice, hanging her head.

“Did you give the sizer back to the sales rep?”

“I went back there this morning and returned it.”

“Good. I’ll put in an order. It’ll take another three weeks. I owe you one…but no more drugs, OK?”

“I promise.”

“Thank you, honey.” Joel patted Gypsy on the head.

Gypsy leaned in close and lowered her voice. “Need any ideas on proposing?”

“No, I’ve got that part figured out.” Well, most of it, anyway.

“You sure? I mean, you can get some champagne—“

“Which gives him a headache and puts me right to sleep.”

“Hmm. Good point.” Gypsy paused for a moment. “Just show me the ring when it comes, OK?”

“Of course I will. You helped me pick it out.”

“Thanks. Good luck!” Gypsy blinked her eye at Joel and rushed away.

It sure hadn’t seemed that way at first, but this had been the easy part. The hard part would be waiting for the ring to be finished.


End file.
